Kim Kardashian could learn a thing or two about manners from Kate Middleton

The Duchess of Cambridge was praised by the National League of Junior Cotillions for: "The poise and dignity with which she conducts herself in the public spotlight,"

National League of Junior Cotillions - WTF is a Cotillion - Something related to Cattle by any chance...

Good Idea, Bad Idea...

Today I tried the new Toaster Friendly Burger - Good Idea, Less than Average Taste...

And in the words of a wise man: 
"I used to work for Northern Foods, - a good butcher never wastes anything Whistle"

And believe me when I say, they did not waste any part of the Cow when they made these.

Spot the difference...

Question: - Can you spot the difference between Adapter A & Adapter B?

I was doing a job at one of my customers the other day & I needed a 2 Way Telephone Adaptor, I usually have a few of these with me, however, I forgot to bring any with me on this occasion - so I went out looking for a £ shop, where you can buy a couple of these adaptors for £1.00, however & on this occasion, the nearest shop that had these adapters, was Comet, & because I was desperate, I decided to buy one of these adaptor's from Comet...   And now back to the question..
Can you spot the difference between Adapter A & Adapter B?

and the answer is:
Adapter A costs £0.50, while Adapter B costs £6.12

I love Capitalism & Freedom of Choice.... But still, this pails in comparison to the USB to Serial Adaptor I purchased from RS-Components, for £47.00 - You can buy that for anything between (£2.00-£14.00), from anywhere else in the world.

The Circle of Life....

One of my customers, a multi millionaire, has given me the secret to being wealthy in the UK... Start a limited company, making sure that it has no assets (those are in the name of another limited company), buy a lot of stuff on credit & sell it to the holding company at knock down price, or do whatever you want with it, and after 1.5 years, the company goes bankrupt & the creditors lose everything while you are left free to do the same thing all over again - bearing in mind that you will not be able to be a director of another limited company, for 5 years, but this does not stop you from restarting another company with your wife or kiddies....

And who said "Honesty does not pay"....

Where are the Teletubbies now?

One of today's most pressing issues, on Yahoo, was "Where are the Teletubbies now?" - - Well, here is your answer:-

Tinky Winky & Dipsy: Are an item and have been cohabiting for the past 6 and a half years (as Tinky Winky recently revealed in a HELLO magazine interview, "It was love at first sight, and the dipstick like antenna, sealed the deal") - They can be both seen at the local Tesco, stacking shelves & filling freezers. No more living the high life, but according to sources, they have never been happier....

Laa-Laa: Since the show ended, and after 3 years in rehab, concurring her demons & kicking her drink & drugs habit. Laa-Laa has renounced Satan, and after being born-again, has become a Nun and joined a convent in darkest Peru..

Po: Sadly, the same can't be said for Po - She was seduced by the bright lights of the big city, and promises of stardom, by the notorious Columbian drug cartel boss, Chavo Diablo (El. Chavo). And after a failed attempt at transporting 5Kg of pure heroin to the US (est.street value $500,000.00). Po was caught and sentenced to 15 years, hard labour, at the "Sing-Sing Correctional Facility", New York, where she remains till this day....

Mysteries of the McDonald Sweet Chilli Chicken Deli Sandwich..

As part of a healthier lifestyle change and a calorie controlled, low fat thingee - my son started to get the McDonald Sweet Chilli Chicken Deli Sandwiches, instead of the usual Big Mac, Fries & Milkshake Combos...

The only little problem is this, each time I buy this particular sandwich, it seems to be different to the sandwich I previously bought, there is absolutely no consistency... Today, we even had one made with the Big Mac secret sauce.... 

vive la différence

I ❤ Coleslaw - I ✱ Coleslaw

Coleslaw is one of those Salads that I like and hate at the same time... I shouldn't like the taste, but I do, and every time I eat it, I swear that I will never, ever eat Coleslaw, ever again.

Today I decided to make my own Coleslaw.... The recipe is as follows:

½ Cabbage
2 Carrots
½ Onion
4 BIG TBL Spoons Mayonnaise
1 SML Spoon Mustard
1 SML Spoon Sugar

Add to Taste:
Salt & Black Pepper

Grated Cheese

Shred, and mix everything - let it stand in the fridge for 2 hours & you will have a very delicious Coleslaw...

This is my actual Coleslaw...

Is it just bad luck, or built-in obsolescence? Gone Mad....

I bought my new washing machine back in March 2010 - And I bought a 3 year extended warranty as well (I couldn't afford the one with 5 year warranty). See.

And true to form, a month after the 1 year anniversary, the machine died. So I contacted the good people at  Hotpoint and told them the story, and they sent an engineer to sort it out - And I didn't think or write anything about it...

Last week, we had another problem, the washing machine just died (now 15 month old), no power, no life, nothing - So, and once again, I phoned the good people at Hotpoint, and they sent an engineer today...

He changed the motherboard, photos below....

The third photo is a bit blurry, I was trying to take a photo without the man looking....

So I ask one more time, is that fault by design or just another case of bad luck....

In The Attic We Trust...

Yesterday, I climbed up into the attic in order to store some stuff. I got distracted by a customer's mobile phone call, and during which, I managed to lose my footing and cause a bit of damage.

I got one foot and leg through the ceilings plasterboard, I managed to bang my privates on a beam, I twisted my ankle and my knee joint, I managed to bang my arms on the floor, I hurt my thumbs and hands in the fall, I banged my chest against the ladders, plus various other cuts and bruises, all over the place..

And you know when you are in pain, you just sit it out, don't do anything, curse and wait. So I sat down, with my leg still dangling down.

The almighty bang and commotion alerted the family, my son and daughter in particular. My son was shouting at me and telling me to get down now... As for my daughter, well, she found the whole episode very amusing and she could not stop laughing.
Apart from my pride, the hole in the ceiling, the twisted ankle and the few cuts and bruises, I think I coped very well,  As for the customer, I told him the next day and apologised for abruptly cutting him off, and told him the story, he laughed, and I got a new order...

Ainsley Harriott - Is there anything this man does not sell.

The man would sell anything for anybody, regardless of quality or taste... Every Product, recommended by this man, or carries the name of this man, has been shit..

It is obvious that he just puts his name and image on anything, as long as the price is right. And judging by the range of naff products, the price must be really, really cheap.

This rant is not because I don't like the man, it's because I trust him and his judgment, or that is what I keep doing when I buy more and more stuff with his name on, to be later disappointed at the quality, or lack of.

Ainsley Harriott

If there's something strange in your pots and pans
Who you gonna call?
Ainsley Harriott!

If you need a face, for a crappy plan
Who you gonna call?
Ainsley Harriott!

What would he not sell?
What would he not sell?

If you're seeing things that pass for food
Who can you call?
Ainsley Harriott!

It looks like shit, and it don't taste good
Oh, who you gonna call?
Ainsley Harriott!

What would he not sell?
What would he not sell?

Who you gonna call?
Ainsley Harriott!

If you're all alone, pick up the phone
And call
Ainsley Harriott!

What would he not sell?
What would he not sell?

I hear it likes the girls
I ain't afraid of no crap
Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah
Who you gonna call?
Ainsley Harriott!

If you've some crap, you want to sell
You'd better call
Ainsley Harriott!

Let me tell you something
Harriott makes me feel good

I ain't afraid of no crap
I ain't afraid of no crap

Don't get caught alone, oh no
Ainsley Harriott!

When it comes through your door
Unless you just want some more
I think you better call
Ainsley Harriott!


Who you gonna call
Ainsley Harriott!

2011 - Capitalism in Action.

An old lady digging for scrap metal has brought down internet services to two countries after slicing through an important fibre-optic cable. Georgian police arrested the 75-year-old pensioner after she single-handedly cut off Internet connections in Georgia and neighbouring Armenia, the interior ministry said.

The woman hacked into the cable which runs through Georgia to Armenia, forcing internet users in both countries offline. "She found the cable while collecting scrap metal and cut it with a view to stealing it," Georgian interior ministry spokesman Zura Gvenetadze said. She was arrested in the village of Ksani, north of capital Tbilisi, and has been charged with damaging property. The pensioner could face up to three years in prison if convicted. "Taking into account her advancing years, she has been released pending the end of the investigation and subsequent trial,".

I don't think that a 75 year old would do such a thing, if it wasn't out of sheer desperation.

It's called Lamb's Lettuce for a reason....

I've just been to Tesco (shopping). I saw a selection of "Salad Leaves" on sale, and was intrigued. What will these little beauties taste like. Are they going to be the culinary experience that I have been longing for.

The bags and design looked very enticing, and managed to strike a cord with me, so I decided, what the hell, lets try these leaves in a salad (and the price was not bad either)..

All that I know, these bloody leaves are really tasty, if you are a Lamb, sadly, I'm not, so I really did not like the taste - It's obvious that the "mixed little leaves" were gathered by Tesco employees from the messy garden, 200 yards down the road, to the left of the store, while the Lamb's Lettuce, collected from Lamb's excrement (Shit, to me and you).

The "Lamb's Lettuce" was tasteless, but it did leave a nasty, oily, grubby feel in one's mouth (and a crappy aftertaste),  while the "Little Mixed Leaves" tasted very aniseedy, probably just like any other leaf you pick up of the floor and pretend that it's a salad leaf.... Regardless, those are 2 more products to avoid...

Jade & Isabelle

I tried 2 things over the weekend that I had to write about. The first was a Microwaveable Pukka Pie (or 2) - this was a very nice pie. I was not keen on the crust, but hey, you can't win them all...

The second item was a Pakeeza Low Fat Yogurt - I buy these all the time, and they are, usually, of an acceptable, passable, quality - However, this time, the consistency was very Gelatinous and Güey (if that is a word)- a bit like liquid snot (not very appetizing), and the taste is a bit lacking.... In short, it used to be good, but now, or this batch, is very, very, very bad...

Pearls of Wisdom...

I've been having problems with a Wisdom Tooth for over a year now. It's loose, painful and annoying. It hurts when I talk, eat, drink, breathe, and each time I go to the dentist for a check-up, she tells me the same BS, "Even though it's loose, I think we better just leave it there for the time being, otherwise, my jaw might drop or something evil (nasty) might happen", and as per usual, I bloody listen.

However, this time it was different, because the tooth was very, very loose, and it was lying horizontally over an exposed Gum, where another tooth once resided (I don't know if that makes any sense). So it was covering the Gum, and because of that, and the fact that I was unable to clean underneath the tooth, I developed a severe case of Gingivitis (with inflamed gums, bleeding lumps and crappy taste, in that location).

Today, I went to the dentist for my 6 monthly check-up, (and the dentists did pull the tooth out, but the story is nothing to do with the tooth). While at the reception desk, somebody phoned for an EMERGENCY appointment, and they asked for their usual Dentist, however, the Dentist was on holiday (the receptionist told them so), but the next answer was, Yes, he is English and White? - And what is more disturbing, is the fact that the receptionist did not care, or bat an eyelid when she said that, as if, it was the norm...

And no, it was not the Aryan Brotherhood Dentistry (or was it, judging by the amount of pain that I was in?).

There's a FAT Rat in mi Kitchen what am I gonna do?,

Place. A Kebab Shop - Bolton Town Center
Date. 24/02/2011
Time. 23:30

I've just visited a new customer of mine, a Kebab Shop, somewhere in Bolton Town Center. The shop seemed to have acquired some unusual pets, a Family of Fat Rats, those where running about and roaming, like nothing is going on, and that it was all normal. And what's even more disturbing, is the attitude of the staff's, and their  acceptance of these visitor, I could swear that someone was even throwing scraps of food to the family.

How old am I?

Or, how old do I feel. Even though this shell of a body disagrees, I still feel like an 18 year old, which is exactly the age I was, when I left Iraq back in 1981.  It's like I suddenly stopped growing, and the whole of my maturity and future development, was stuck (and indefinitely paused) at that moment in time.

I know that many things have happened to me since, I fell in love, practically everyday, I got married, I had kids, I had grand kids, I worked, I played, I laughed, I cried, I loved. I hated, I lost many dear people along the way, and gained some new family members, I gained weight and, gained weight and, gained weight, I had pets, I lost pets, I had cars, I lost cars, I watched TV, again and again and again, I did do lots of things, but deep down, I'm still an 18 year old kid that never had the chance to grow. A bit like Peter Pan...

but without the Fairies

or the 80's haircut & jumpsuit

This is a True Story....

Customer rings me with many problems on her PC. I get there, firstly, the printer has stopped working, so she went out and bought a new printer, but this one is not working either...  The second problem was with the Internet Connection (or lack of it), this happened since they bought a new router. And lastly, they needed to share the not working printer, on the a 3 PC office network...

The first problem was because the original printer has run out of paper, and instead of adding some more, the woman decided to go out and buy a new printer, and when that did not work (due to lack of paper, ink, sense and everything else), she phoned me... So I added some paper, and there it was, page, after page, after page, after page of print, all the print jobs from the past 2 days (I didn't bother clearing the print queue)...

The internet problem was due to the fact that the new router had a manual Wireless OFF Switch, you can use that to secure your wireless network when not in use.


Crossing Boundaries - "Pakis Out - Muslims Out"...

This is one of the few posts that I will be sharing, on this, and my other Blog(s)... Today, somebody decided to spray paint the back of my house with the following graffiti - "Pakis Out of England - NF - EDL - BNP" and "Muslims Go Home".

Needless to say, mine was not the only house that had that treatment. Every Asian household and business, regardless of whether they were Muslims or not, on the road seemed to have had a similar message sprayed on their walls....

I have no doubt about the culprits. Some small minded, Daily Mail reading, idiots. Who have been Brain Washed by all the, hate-filled, anti immigrant / anti Islam, xenophobic fervour, stirred and encouraged, covertly,  by Right Wings, gutter, Politicians, including our new PM, and Media.

These losers have NO EDUCATION, NO JOBS, NO FUTURE and definitely NO SELF RESPECT, AMBITION or PROSPECTS, and lets face it, it is because they are so very lazy, and think that the World owes them something, that they still blame everybody else for their problems and misfortune, especially the immigrants.

I remember back in 2000, when I lost my nice, cushy, well paid, programming, Job. I did not moan or complain, I just went out and looked for a Job. And the only thing that I could find, was a Night Time, Manual Labourer's position at a local Bakery (paying minimum wage)...

I started work at the same time as 35 other people, and out of that number, 6 were immigrants (including myself, even though I have been living in the UK most of my life). The job was hard, smelly, demanding and very physical. Still, and by the end of the first Night Shift, we had only 8 people remain at the said bakery. The 6 immigrants and 2 others. I stayed there for 3 further years, shifting crap at night, while Developing Software during the day, and paying my taxes and my way, so that lazy ass, good for nothing, Bastards, can  afford to buy spray paint, with their Benefit Money, to write things on my wall...

And today, in 2011 Cameron's Britain, I'm glad to see that racism is alive and well.

"Evil will triumph so long as good men do nothing". And I'm not prepared to do nothing, and nor should anyone...

 Glad to see that literacy is still king.

The Bank Of Horrors.. Part IV

I seem to have more problems with my Bank than anybody else, here, here, here & everywhere else. After all the mess, the hassle and the last fiasco, I was seriously thinking of leaving the Bastards and go to Pastures New, as they say...  But before I could do that, my Bank Manager phoned me and asked to see me... I agreed, I thought, I will go, give them a piece of my mind, tell them what I really think, and to stuff it where the sun does not shine, then leave.

Sadly, and in reality, it did not work this way at all... The Bank Manager was very nice, she told me what date of Birth they were using, and she changed the records, right before my eyes, to the correct date of birth. With no hassle or proof of anything. She just did it (I know it's probably got something to do with the big fat loan that she arranged for me), but hey, live and let live.

So, I go back home and try my Internet Banking, sadly, this did not work, because it needed my WRONG date of birth for it to work. So I type this in and request a new user ID.

3-5 Days later, I get my new user ID, sadly, I have to register Internet Banking via Phone Banking, in order to get this to work. So I ring the bank, tell them the code showing on the website, my account details, sort code, account number, branch, details of any standing orders, etc... And then my date of birth... Now, which date of birth should I use, the right one or the wrong one. Knowing full well, that the Internet server would not entertain me without the wrong date of birth, and it did get me half way through the registration process. So, I thought, and because I'm talking to them about my Internet Banking, to give them the wrong date of birth.

What a big mistake, this did not work, because they were adamant that I was not the real person, because I did not know my date of birth, and now I'm back to square 1.

I really, really, really, really, really... Hate my bank....

Racial Profiling...

I think I will start using Racial Profiling when selling to customers. I wonder whether people would appreciate it if I have a Tee-Shirt with these images depicting who to serve and who not to serve...

I hate SHOUTING...

I really hate SHOUTING to get my point across, sadly this is happening more and more every day. You try and be civil with BASTARD customers, do them a favor or two, and you get kicked in the nuts.

This is one of those stories. Around November 2010, I supplied one of my BASTARD customers a POS pack (PC, Touchscreen Monitor, Printer, Cash Drawer, etc..), at cost. Because the man just had one of these packs stolen from his shop and he told me that he did not have the money to pay there and then, and he would appreciate it, if I could do him a favor and wait a bit, I said OK, I will wait for a month or so, because I didn't need to pay for these just yet.

And guess what, when the time came, the BASTARD decided to mess me about, avoiding my calls, saying that he will pay tomorrow, this week, next week, Monday, Tuesday, or whenever, but he never did.

I really had enough of the BASTARD. Life is hard enough without messing about and wasting my time on idiots like him. Thankfully, I always have a "Plan B", this involves me ringing the machine with a certain mobile number, and that would render it useless... So I did, and the man promised that, if I switch the machine back on, then he would pay me, the very next day (so I did).

And once again, we are back to square one, with him refusing to pay or talk to me, and even becoming more aggressive with every call, threatening to physically harm me and my family, should I disable the software again... Still, I gave him an ultimatum, to pay by Friday, otherwise, this shop will stop working and so will his other shop, (you have to raise the stakes), and the man replied by telling me that he will Kill me if do that...

Now for the weird bit. Whenever there is a problem, or I'm stuck for something, or struggling with money or anything else, something usually happens to sort things out. I don't know if its fate, a guardian angel or just luck, but things seem to have a way of sorting themselves out.. Now, I did not mention that the said outlet was based in Stoke-On-Trent, and I'm based in Bolton, Gt. Manchester, and on the same day, I got a phone call from somebody who is based in Stoke-On-Trent, the man was interested  in my software. Apparently, he had a warehouse / wholesale business in Stoke-On-Trent, and during the conversation he asked me whether I had any outlets using the software around his area, So I mentioned the BASTARD customer, and my problems.  He said, just leave it with him and he will sort it for me. I thanked the man and, really, thought nothing of it, I really thought it was just gonna be some more BS, and I will just have to fend for myself...

And good to his word, the next day and out of the blue, I received a phone call from my BASTARD customer, apologising, paying me in full, and asking me to tell my new customer that all is good now, and we are now the bestest of bodies.Apparently, the new customer is MR.BIG in Stoke-On-Trent, and he was not happy with the way that I was treated, and he used some Gentle Persuasion to achieve this result...

Thank you MR. BIG...

More Snake Oil, Anyone - Or as they say in Business, Rapport Trusteer..

Today I decided to completely remove my complimentary copy of Rapport Trusteer. This decision was not taken lightly, but it had to be done for the following reasons:

[1] I hate any and all software that loads; behind my back, on Start-up (anything that has no useful purpose, like tool-bars, browser helpers, etc..) and especially  when they seem to do absolutely nothing. And Rapport Trusteer seems to be one of these programs, it just annoys me with a pop-up, usually after the event, that asks me what it should have done 20 or so minutes ago, when I visited a certain website. If it is really that good, it would not bang it's own drum so so much, and it would know what to do...

[2] I've read all the bumf about the software and why do I need, and I still don't understand what it really does, all I know that, both my Business and Personal internet accounts insist on, me, installing this..

Truthfully and after using the software for over a month, I really don't understand it or get the point. It reminds me of the 90's PC Memory Cleaner / Reclaimer Software, whereby it supposedly sits in the background cleaning and optimizing your RAM, when in reality, it was just sitting in the tray, using and abusing resources, but albeit,  with nice animations. And the only thing I regret is, why did I not think of that piece of software first, and who do you need to know, to sell it to all those gullible people and Banks..

I'm sure the people at Rapport Trusteer are laughing, all the way to the Bank, behind closed doors. The link above is some information regarding the software, and no, I do not bank with them..

Read them and WEP...

Today I visited one of my customers to sort out a little software matter., and while I was there, and as per usual, everybody started telling me about their PC problems, and my obligation to fix every faulty, bastard, computer on the face of the planet, FREE OF CHARGE, just because I happen to know how, why, what, where and when...

So when I finished my job, and as per usual, the Bastards started gathering around me, like shit on a blanket, each with a more bizarre request that the next. And then, the BIG BOSS came and asked me whether I can setup his new Talk-Talk Wireless Router, which he and his circle if merry men, tried to setup, but failed, and since, I did sort the original BT Wireless router, then I was the messiah of all routers, and I can conquer that router as well...

So I took the router out of the box, connected everything, searched for the SSID within the list of available wireless network(s) , and guess what, I couldn't find the bloody thing... So we enter the IP address for the router in the browser windows, enter the user name and password, change the Channel to 11, and other bits, but sadly, still no joy. Then, I tried to use the supplied CD, this seemed to work, up-to a point, but then it gets stuck in a loop, unable to detect the bloody wireless network... So I bit the bullet and called the Talk-Talk helpline, and after me telling them the story and some deliberation, the person on the other end of the line told me to change the Channel to 9 (because it's one of only 3 channels that they recommend users to use), and also to change the security to an open 64bit WEP encryption, which meant that the password needed to be 10 characters in length, so I used the man's telephone number as the password, and law and behold, the laptop managed to detect the network... I mentioned security to the man, but he said, don't worry, all will be OK, so I just agreed and left it at that (if it works, and it ain't broke, just don't fix it or bother)...
And I just thought, why bother having a password or anything else, but hey, cest  le vie.

My New Elonex eTouch 10" 1000ET Android Tablet PC - Is it any good?

The other day, while browsing the web, I saw what I thought was, a little Gem, an Android based Tablet PC, with a 10" Touchscreen.

Full Specifications
Media Reader Micro SD slot for photos, music, movies and apps storage
Memory 256MB
HDMI Port No
Operating System Android 2.1 Mobile
Sound Card Yes
Bluetooth No
Ethernet 1
Dimensions 270 x 179 x 16 mm
Battery Description Li-on rechargeable battery
Processor VIA ARM 11 1ghz processor
Modem No
Colour Black
Hard Disk Drive No
Battery Life (Light Use) 3 hours
Screen Size 10 inches
Graphics Yes
USB Ports 1

So I decided to get one of these, for basic internet browsing, email and possibly a few apps / books to read on the go..

I headed to Toys R Us and got one of these... I charged the unit and, excitedly, turned it on. I was like a kid with his new toy, so very overjoyed. Sadly this joy did not last long. The PC crashed within 1 minute (I was just trying the screen auto rotation feature). I really was not happy, so I went on the (the supposed manufacturer) Elonex website, and checked for a solution. I downloaded the latest firmware and carried out the upgrade procedure. This went smoothly, but sadly, I still had the same problem and issue, especially when I rotate the screen. So reluctantly, I decided to contact Elonex and give them a piece of my mind..

Sent: 07 January 2011 03:58 AM
To: Elonex-Support
Subject: eTouch 1000ET Support

Hi There,

I bought one of these, eTouch 1000ET, machines yesterday (from Toys R Us). I noticed a few niggles with regards to stability when using the product, namely the machine Crash and hangs on forever, not respond to any key presses. This is very evident when you rotate the unit few times. I updated the firmware to the latest version (from your website). This went smoothly, however, I’m still having the same stability issues, with random crashes, and the machine stops responding...

I’m not sure whether this is normal or expected. Please advise... And also, how can I view Adobe / Macromedia Flash Content on the unit..

I received the following reply:

From: Vicky Hill
Sent: Friday, January 07, 2011 8:22 AM
Subject: RE: eTouch 1000ET Support

Good Morning,

Can you please tell me, does this only happen whilst connected to the WIFI?

Also the unit however, is not compatible at this moment with adobe flash player.
We hope there will be an update to change this in the near future, but we do not have an ETA as to when this will be.

Kind Regards

Vicky Hill

Sent: Friday, January 07, 2011 12:37 PM

To: Vicky Hill
Subject: Re: eTouch 1000ET Support

Hi Vicky,

Thank you for the quick response, the unit is connected to an always on WIFI...

This morning, the task bar disappeared, then it appeared and informed me that there are some updates, so I clicked to update, and the unit crashed (no response)..

I think it might be a software update or even a user (none familiarity) issue, which that might settle within a few days...

There is an upgrade which is available to download off our website which may get the device up and running for you.

I have attached to this email some instructions on how to run through the update.

I hope this helps.

Kind Regards
Vicky Hill

There was an attached instructions sheet, on how to update the eTouch 1000ET. This might as well was written in Mandarin, because it was really incomprehensible. And also, it pointed to a non existent file. I tried to follow that to the letter, and downloaded the nearest named file that I could find. This update failed miserably, and the machine was still crashing even after the update..

Sent: Saturday, January 08, 2011 5:29 AM
Subject: Re: eTouch 1000ET Support

Hi Vicky,

I followed your instructions to the letter.

I downloaded the file,
I extracted the content to C:\1000ET,
I connected the Machine to the PC via a USB cable,
I simultaneously pressed both the "Back" and "Power" buttons,
I told the computer to locate the driver within the C:\1000ET Folder, and that was successful,
I run the "Burntool_v07.2.exe" program,
Device 10 turned Green,
I clicked on the Start Icon, below is a log file:

      FileLoad! szPathName: C:\1000ET\burn.ini
      [Nboot_DestAddr: 0x40200000 strNboot_DestAddr: 0x40200000]
      Opened successfully.
      Opened successfully.
      [SUCCESS: ReadFile otgtype:(1) hRead:(0xa4)]
      [SUCCESS: CreateFile]
      [Memory Allocation! txBuf = 0xfc0048 ]
      [UsbTxFile start! run_addr=0xffffffff]
      [UsbTxFile end]
      Find Device From Name
      Opened successfully.
      Opened successfully.
      [SUCCESS: ReadFile otgtype:(7602176) hRead:(0x110)]

This happens within less than 20 seconds, and then the device hangs up, displaying "Enter Downloading",
I tried that 4 times, but always with the same result..

After that, I changed the settings, using the Key Icon,

      uboot-img     =    C:\1000et\u-boot_et.img
      linux-kernel   =    C:\1000et\zImage
      linux-sys      =    C:\1000et\system.img
      linux-udate   =    C:\1000et\userdata.img

And tried that 3 more times, with exactly the same result...

I tried that on a Windows XP machine, I will try the same procedure in the morning on a Windows Vista & a Windows 7 Machines. I hope it does work..


This time, I just got ignored, because there was no obvious solution, that Customer Support could fathom, to the problem... So I decided that enough was enough, and I was going to take the  unit back to Toys R Us. But before doing that, I decided to investigate on the net. And guess what, everybody was having exactly the same reliability problems.

I really had no idea who the original manufacturers of the unit was, the only thing I had was the Burntool file, which I used for the upgrades. This mentioned Zenithink. So I searched Google for Zenithink, and there it was. - I went to the News and Latest Software Section - and downloaded the latest Firmware. I applied that patch, and guess what, the unit came alive shortly after the update. No crashes or anything. just pure joy to use. So I decided to contact Elonex Customer Support and tell them, that way they can help others in my situation.

Hi Vicky,

I was 5 minutes away from returning the pad to Toys R Us, the unit  was flakey at best and very unreliable, even after downloading and installing the Firmware upgrade.

However, and as a last resort, I decided to visit the manufacturers website and try my luck. I brushed up on my Mandarin and navigated to the Latest Software section, and downloaded the update.

I downloaded and installed the - as per the instructions given, and this has resulted in vast improvements in reliability and enjoyment... I can now run Apps and games with no random crashes, I can browse the web, browse my photos, read a book without the unit crashing.. I even managed to use the unit, solidly for 2 hours, without a crash.. 

The last update that you mentioned, did not solve the problem, but this one does.. The only down side is, the name and the logo of the unit, when booting, changes to ePad.

The thing is, the unit is very good, but is let down by second rate software, however this update seems to resolve 99% of all the issues.

I hope this helps you and other customers, struggling with these units,


And this time I got ignored - no thank you, no nothing...

The above are copies of email correspondence between myself and Elonex Customer Support - The RED emails are Mine, while the BLUE ones are their replies - I hope the info would help somebody out there, and save them time and hassle.

USBWriteProtect - Why?

From my previous post, I was still after a read only USB device, or means to control access to that, and on my quest, I came across this program. USBWriteProtect (there were a few variations on the same theme), that promise to write protect my USB drive.

The problem with this software is, you need to run it on the target machine before it would work. So. in the meantime, you'll just get infected... So bloody stupid...

To be fair, there is a use for such software, at organisations where you don't want staff to copy material to and from their USB devices, etc...

Our Treasure Islands - Why is the UK so expensive?

I really hate it when I lose a USB Flash Drive or when I take it to a place, to copy things, and by the time I finish, my whole USB Drive is filled with Viruses and Malware. This is so very annoying and frustrating, especially when you consider that I do that around 4-5 times a day, and I'm sure my clients would not appreciate it, if I started spreading viruses around... This meant that I have to cart around 5-6 USB Flash Drives with me at any given time, and also cleaning these, everyday, upon my return to the office, which is, frankly, a huge pain in the butt...

A few years ago, I found a solution to my problem, a USB Flash Drive with a Write-Protect Switch... I used to have that switched on to the write protect side, when I used that on Client's machines, and turn it off, when using it to copy files from my machines.

This worked so well, that I bought 5 of these drives... But sadly, these drives were not the best manufactured devices in the world. The quality was shoddy, and 2 of them just refused to read, write, format, work, breath after 2 weeks. One of them was lost, I left it at a client's shop. And the other 2, served me well for over 6 months until they succumbed to the rigours of daily use, putting them in my pocket with loose change, dropping and accidentally standing on them, attaching them to my keyring, sitting on them, etc... Well, we just say, that they really did not have an easy life... 

And since then, I've been looking for a similar, reasonably priced, USB drives with a write protect feature. That is until the other day, when I came across those babies on

I tried to order 10 of these, but sadly, the sellers on would not post these to the UK, and all attempts to find these in the UK failed. So I thought, I will just have to try and see what we can find..

The good news is, I did find these at 5 times the price. I can buy an 8GB drive for $16.00, I would have to pay over $80.00 to buy a 2GB version in the UK. And seeing that all these are made in China, I still don't get the wild variation and discrepancy in price. Needless to say, I will be cleaning my existing USB Drives, everyday, for a long time to come... 

The reason behind the Blog title, is price fixing in the UK - even though we, supposedly, have a FREE and Open Market, with Healthy Competition. All the participants seem to sell the same items at the same price, which tells me that there is a Price Fixing Cartel working behind the scene. If you don't believe me, just check the price of a loaf of bread, a tin of beans, a bus ticket, a train ticket, a plane ticket, a package holiday, a computer, a litre of petrol, gas and electricity, your weekly shop, etc. etc.. You will see a difference (in pennies), And guess what, all the participants are laughing at us, all the way to the bank... And the regulators, are just sitting there regulating...