Toshiba - Leading Innovation!

I just got a TOSHIBA laptop from a customer  for a backup / virus removal / restore / repair job - It was a Windows 7 effort.

Backing up the data to an external drive took around 20 minutes. (using Parted Magic)
Restoring the the OS from the hidden partition took around 10 minutes (Using the Magic F Key).
The 42, TOSHIBA (Leading Innovation), updates took over 1 hour and 40 minutes, and rebooted / restarted the Laptop no less than 42 times. (I'm not even counting the official & countless Windows updates yet)...

DREAM St. Helens 29-07-2012

Liverpool - 29-07-2012

Message From: Special Agent David Jackson N.F.B.I.

To. Beneficiary.

Dear Sir,

I am Special Agent David Jackson and am here in Nigeria as an FBI delegate that has been delegated to investigate this fraudsters who are in the business of swindling Foreigners that came for transaction in Nigeria . Please be informed that during my investigation I got to find out that there is a huge sum of $10.5million that has been assigned in your name( Beneficiary.) and this fraudsters are busy swindling you without any hope of receiving your fund.

NOTE: You are not suppose to pay that hug amount from the beginning before the release of your fund can commence depending on how you want the transfer made to you.

We have to inform you that we have made some arrested in respect of this delayed over due fund. I have a very limited time to stay in Nigeria here so I advise you urgently respond to this message .

I shall expect your response as soon as you receive this email.  Please Note that I have attached my Identification to this email. do not inform any of the people that collected money from you before now about this new development, to avoid jeopardizing our investigation. My direct phone number +234 704 530 5656

Best Regard,


Confidentiality Notice: The information in this e-mail and any attachments thereto is intended for the recipient(s) only. This e-mail, including any attachments, may  contain information that is privileged and confidential and subject to legal restrictions and penalties regarding its unauthorized disclosure or other use. If you are not the intended recipient, you are hereby notified that any disclosure, copying, distribution, or the taking of any action or inaction in reliance on the contents of  this e-mail and any of its attachments is STRICTLY PROHIBITED. If you have received this e-mail in error, please immediately notify the sender via return e-mail; delete this e-mail and all attachments from your e-mail system and your computer system and network; and destroy any paper copies you may have in your possession. Thank you for your cooperation.

I love this song...

I've just watched the advert on TV...

After a bit of research - I found the culprits - "Billie the Vision and the Dancers" - Great band, please support.

How to remove almost any VIRUS / MALWARE / HIJACKER for FREE...

I keep getting jobs, where I have to remove Viruses, Malware and Hijackers from other people PC's.. Sometimes I'm successful (over 90% of times), and sometimes I'm not, and that is when I delete all and start from scratch...

All those infections seem to have the same parasites behind them, and they work in exactly the same way.

To remove, carry out the following:
  1. Restart your PC / Laptop
  2. When the machine starts, press F8 function key and select start in "Safe Mode"
  3. When the machine starts,
  4. Use system restore to restore you machine to an earlier date (before the infection).
  5. Change Hosts file
  6. Stop everything from loading on boot
  7. Delete other infected files by hand
  8. Empty recycle bin
  9. Disable windows system restore 
  10. Reboot the PC in safe mode one more time
  11. Enable windows system restore
  12. Run a Good Antivirus (Security Essentials)
  13. Run a good anti Malware program (Malware Bytes)
  14. Run a good anti advertising program  (Search & Destroy)


Today I was accused of being a racist by a customer - all because, after fixing his computer, I asked him for some money...

Apparently, I racially abused him because he was a Kurd - When all I did was to ask him for money for the repair and when he refused, I told him he can have it for FREE, but if he needed help in the future, then he'd better go somewhere else... Hell, I even stayed in the office till 8.00PM waiting for the idiot.

The thing has nothing to do with racism or religion, but after dealing with idiots for a long time, I have developed an aversion to assholes, and the man is just another asshole..

This reminds me of another story, that happened in 1996, when we sold some Takeaway / Delivery Software to another person, who we shall call ALi, and who had a PIZZA SHOP in a little place outside BOLTON, somewhere like HORWICH (but not HORWICH;)).

The man bought an Ink Jet printer (from us) with his software and attached it to the PC -  And when he needed to get some replacement Ink, he phoned our office:

ALi - The printer is not printing - The light is flashing saying replace cartridge...
ME - You need to replace the cartridge ALi..
ALi - Do you have these?
ME - NO (I was lying because the man is a serial non-payer),
ME - You can get these from Vinking Direct - Tel. (0800) xxx xxx xxx, and if you order before 12 noon, you will get them the same day.  
ALi - OK Baba.

Ten minutes later, ALi rings me back again; and this time he was very angry:

ALi - I don't like that company.
ME - Why?
ALi - The man asked me how I would like to pay?
ME - Well, it is normal to pay for things that you buy.
ALi - I told him that he is a Mother Fu#ker, and he can go & Fu#k himself, and that I don't want to deal with him.
ME - That sounds terrible - how dare he ask for money? (me, taking the piss)
ALi - I know
ME - I think your best bet is to get those from PC-World or somewhere local, like that...
ME - I will try and see if I can get another place that supplies those and I will ring you back.

I never did ring him back, because the man was an idiot...
As for Viking Direct, I still use them and they are by far, the best suppliers of stationery in the UK...

DO, DO, DO..

"I just managed to find an even more powerful key than the DO button, this is the DEFUNCT button on my IBM Server" - Whatever you do, DO not, I repeat, DO NOT press the DEFUNCT button"...

Virtues of BIG HANDS.

Lately, my business hasn't been doing very well so, and after 12 long years and out of desperation, I decided to start working for another company (doing the same shit, dealing with the same bastards, just within a different organisation).

Part of this company's future plans is a move into security hardware & software, and so they started a conglomerate of 6 Iranians, who invested some £40,000+ into "TOP-SECRET" hardware and software development project - and for that, they were given 1 biometric scanning machine, as sold on eBay for £169.00 & a hand scanner, as sold on eBay for £800.00 (the snake oil salesman saw them coming), and at least with eBay; you get programming and technical support by Clever Chinese guys who know what they are doing , and they also, thanks to the power of negative feedback, supply you with the correct power adaptor.

Alas, and on this occasion, we have set-up, programming and technical support by the Iranian Programming Mafia, who don't seem to have a clue, even after months and months of trying, and trying, and trying, with everybody bringing about their own brand of expertise to the table, and nobody getting nowhere fast.

And so we have a "TOP-SECRET" cracked team of hardware / software developers & integrators who seem to know nothing about anything, with the head honcho announcing his successes in percentage terms, but more often failures, to all at the office (a bit like LOUD HOWARD) - Starting from 90% three weeks ago;  and ending with 60% yesterday.  And every task, regardless of how simple or mundane, becomes a chore - with nobody admitting failure on their part.

So they fitted the hand scanner on the wall, and they did not know how to use, program, wire  or connect that to a PC or other peripherals - so we have it controlling access to the doors, but not actually unlocking those doors.  So when the system is operational, the doors remain locked, regardless of who logs on or off , with no means of opening those from the inside or outside, without reverting to physical violence (or turning off the mains power supplying the said security system). 

We have 5 other people working in the office and yet, only one person had their hands scanned & that was through sheer luck and a random fluke, which they have been trying to replicate for the past 3 days.

Our "expert" security system engineer hasn't a clue, and spends most of the day hitting on the very FIT, and yes I would, office manageress; and using the system as an excuse to touchy feely her hands, and whatever else (making the poor girl very uncomfortable), in the pretence that he is registering her with the system; and when he fails; as he frequently does every day, he blames that on her having small, beautiful, hands... Thank GOD for BIG Hands.

Every 10 minutes, the man calls out and asks somebody in the office if they have an idea on how to wire things up or how to fit a random power supply to the system, where there is just a random bundle of loose wires, and no outlet for the said power supply (like trying to fit a Square Peg in a Round hole), and if somebody dares to ask the idiot what he is doing, he tells them off for not having a "TOP-SECRET" clearance. And when he is not doing this, he starts asking us on whether we are registered on the system or not, but seeing that he is the only person who ever had access to that super "TOP-SECRET" project, then the usual answer, is no we are not registered with system and no, we do not know the password to your PC...

Achievements Thus Far (after 3+ months):
 2 People registered with the Hand Scanner.
The Hand Scanner still does not control the doors.
The Hand Scanner is not connected to the PC.

Sometimes, all the TITS in the world can't help..

Over the weekend I watched this movie; "All the Boys Love Mandy Lane" on film-4.

I thought it was gonna be a slasher / tit flasher usual teen escapism crap, and I was not disappointed. It was all that and then some, 2 hours too long, crappy acting, crappy plot, and the pace of a snail...

Sometimes, no amount of TITS can improve or save a movie, and this is one of those times.


we talk, we walk, we love, we laugh, we live, we give, we dance, we sing, we eat, we drink, we weep, we sleep, wake up and be happy - tomorrow, we will clean up the mess..

IKEA - Ashton-Under-Lyne

Why The Short Skirt Then?

The length of skirt is an indicator & is always in proportion to the amount of talent one has, and the time one spends in the limelight. i.e. The shorter the skirt, the less talent one has...

I love Amy Macdonald - what a talent & not a skirt in sight...

Do you like my new i-phone?

Today, while looking for some rubbish to sell on eBay, we managed to come across 6 of those Chinese beauties, or as we call them in Bolton, i-Phones , circa 2003 (full 4 years before Apple's imitation iPhones).

Those are unique IP phones, each with a unique number, that can be called by you from anywhere in the world, providing that you had an i-Phone.

And if you can't live without your i-Phone, then what's better than having the new desktop model - the i-Phone 777. This comes in a sophisticated Black or a fetching White ensemble.

 (we found those today while clearing more rubbish to sell on eBay)

My daughter had her heart set on an i-Phone forever, and guess who just made her dreams come true, well almost, for around 2 seconds... But it was very funny... She hates me now...

How did we do? Tesco Shopping Experience..

Today I went shopping for some bits @ my local Tesco. 

Worst shopping experience, ever. The assistant, serving at the till, was serving a friend of hers and decided to  slow down the scanning of her friend items to a snail's pace, so that she can catch up on the latest gossip, and all the while pretending to speed up when another member of staff approaches, and ignoring the line of fed-up and disgruntled customers waiting in the queue.  And after finishing the chat, she did not even bother to say sorry about the delay or anything else.

I really found that lack of professionalism annoying and downright rude.  I wanted to leave the shopping on the conveyor belt and walk out of the store, but manners prevented me from doing that.

There is a time and a place to chat to your friends, and that is not when you are working behind the till, supposedly serving customers.

So, How did we do?  Not very well..

Shopping Experience Rating.   0/10

Is it just bad luck, or built-in obsolescence? Gone Mad.... Again (Part II)

4th July 2012 - Today the Washing Machine decided to die once again, and as per usual, it was the board, 12 months after the last board was replaced. And once again the engineer tells us how lucky we are to have bought the extended guarantee, because this repair would normally costs over £200, and this is our second repair in as many years.. (below link to original post)    

Is it legal, moral, ethical or acceptable to design something to fail after 12 or so months. I don't know how to prevent this without changing the washing machine, and what if I did not want to buy the extended warranty, and the same part fails again.

And the question is, why does my washing machine needs a board when, a standard, mechanical, timer would do, and why does a washing machine has an RJ-45 network connection....

Board MK- II


Was cleaning my Hard Drive when I found "Flyer & Poster" scans about my son during his "DJ Z" days. I'm posting them here so that, they may stay out there in the public domain, rather than having them lost on my lowly hard drive, Enjoy...


Mix-master genius DJ Z