Some Snaps...

Sorry about the size - Enjoy..

FIX Factor 2010

I don't know whether its just me, needing my ears syringing, or whether the show was all a total con. I really could not hear what the judges were listening to this year. There were so many duff and so clearly biased decisions, no wonder why everybody thought that show was fixed...  Me personally, I had no favorite, but I really wanted Wagner to win, that way nobody would buy the record... Regardless, Simon had other ideas and decided to fix all..

Two of the very worst contestants were Cher & Weasel. They both could not sing, dance, act, cry, or behave for toffees, yet the judges thought that they were great.. And each time I saw either, I could not help but remember the Simpson's episode when Homer becomes an Inventor... And I keep wondering, what setting did they use on Cher's face (My daughter thinks it's set on Skank, me, I think it was just plain Whore setting).

Homer:   Now, this next one's for the ladies. How many times have you gals been late for a high-powered business meeting, only to realize you're not wearing make-up?
Marge:   That's every woman's nightmare.
Homer:   That's why I invented this revolutionary make-up gun. It's  for the woman who only has four-fifths of a second to get ready.  Close your eyes, Marge.
[Homer fires the make-up gun, which appears to be a shotgun with some containers of liquid attached, into Marge's face. After the cloud of dust vanishes, she ends up with way too much make-up on, and looking like a Clown]
Homer:   Now you're ready for a night on the town.  [holds up a mirror]
Marge:    [gasps] Homer!  You've got it set on "Whore".
Homer:   Okay, this time try to keep your nostrils closed.
[Homer points the gun at her, but she pushes it away from her face. A vaguely face-shaped blotch of make-up stains the wall]

Homer:   Oh, look what you did.  Now I have to go get my cold-cream gun.
Lisa:       Dad, women won't like being shot in the face.
Homer:   Women will like what I tell them to like!


Wanted... 1 Soul...

This is another gripe about my NEW, OLD, Car...How hard is it to replace a light bulb on a car, well, on every other car, I'd say very easy. On my new, old, you need to remove half the engine first... Its the little things that make a soul, and this car lacks both, little things or a soul...

Celebrity Coach Trip (Channel 4)... Why?...

You know that things are so very desperate, when the only "Celebrities" you know are the Chuckle Brothers...

My New, New, New Camera...

The other day, my daughter dropped the old digital camera, and the lens got stuck at an awkward angle (it does not go in or out, and all the photos are very blurred). Trying my best to fix the thing was futile (and the little fat fingers did not help), so I bit the bullet and decided to order a NEW Camera.

I decided to go for an expensive, QUALITY, model, instead of the usual cheap shit that I always bought (the quality of the shots is usually not very good on those cameras, they seem to take ages between snaps, and break after 5 minutes, and by the time I count the cost of the other 6 digital cameras that I had, it would have been a lot cheaper, and a lot more enjoyable, to have had a better camera in the first place).

I compared models, manufacturers, prices and outlets, and decided to buy my new, all singing, all dancing, camera from eBay.  

Now, here is the dilemma.Buy this from a UK seller or a Hong Kong one (where it's pretty much half the price of the UK based seller's).

After careful deliberation and taking into consideration the import duty, customs and excise hassle, possible postal delays, damage in transit, the possibility of a fake (counterfeit) camera being supplied, international warranty woes, etc., etc... I decided to go for the UK seller, and duly paid him using magic beans and my PayPal account.

Guess what, 2 weeks later, I did get the Camera. It came from China, I'm not sure whether it's the real deal or not, and there is no way to check. I had to pay the Import Duty. And all the things that I was afraid of and dreading, did happen. So the moral of the story is this, buy from a reputable dealer instead, it might cost you a little bit more, but at least, you won't get so very screwed....

Dinocroc vs. Supergator

It's official, today, I managed to watch the worst movie of all time...  Dinocroc vs. Supergator

Youtube Trailer - Enjoy...

All that Glitters; So, which part of the Chicken did that come from?

I went shopping at ASDA yesterday, with my daughter. We passed the FRESH FOOD isle, and saw some "Beautiful Looking" Chicken Nuggets & Coujons (supposedly made with breast meat). My daughter asked if she can have some of these, and I obliged, I also bought the Coujons as well, because they looked good, and they had a special offer, buy 2 for £3.00.

Today we cooked some of these Nuggets for my daughter and Coujons for my son, and I really still can't believe, describe or get over the taste. Just how awful these were, is truly unbelievable, and how can a large supermarket, like ASDA, get away with selling this shit to anybody, because I'm damn sure that it's not fit for human consumption. It's like MRM gone wild, because I can taste more feathers, beak, skin, feet and bird shit in these products than any other sort of meat. They were really, really bad.. The worst ever... The only place for these is the bin...

 I'm sure these Chinese Delicacies Taste Better than the ASDA crap, and even contain more meat

Smarties, whatever happened to the taste...

Today, I had my first Hexagonal Tube of Smarties, for ages. They did not look, feel or taste the same as what I remember from yester years... The Tube is no longer with us. The sweets seem to be a lot sweeter, but with less milk and no flavor... They just tasted like the Cheap Varieties one used to buy from the shop when they could not afford the proper stuff.

This is definitely my last tube of Smarties ever, what a shame...

Hello... I'm Chris and I'm here to fix your plumbing.....

While outside ASDA, I saw a sign - Bathroom Suites fitted for cheap with a mobile phone number - (I've been having problems with my Bathroom for a good while now, something to do with water leakage from the toilet / cistern connection joint, and regardless of how many Plumbers I have used, the problem just persisted, and nobody seemed to be able to fix it (it might be something to do with the fact that all Plumbers are lying, cheating bastards, with a usual bad workmanship associated with people who have too much money and really can't be arsed looking after their customers)). And to cut a long story short, I decided just to have the full Bathroom Suite replaced, and that way, there are no excuses and no technical Plumber bullshit.

So I phoned the man, and arranged a visit for a quote (the sign, was a sign from above, and must be obeyed).

You know, sometimes you should just follow your gut feeling and instinct (and as usual, I didn't). All the signs were there, the man does not answer his mobile phone, and will only ring you back if you leave a message on his answer phone, he has no address, no company, no pretend website, no land-line phone number, no references, no brochures, no catalogs, no photos, no samples, no tape measure, he lives in a van, looks like Phil Mitchel from Eastenders, and has a regular slot on Rogue Traders TV program ...

The man gives me a quote for a basic Bathroom suite, I did not want that, because my wife has had her heart set on a Square one,  So I told the man and said, that we do want some cupboards and draws for storage as well.

The man said, I will bring you some photos and brochures of  available suites. I said OK. And true to his word, he came the next day with a Brochure that he had just picked up from B&Q. I selected one suite, paid him a deposit and thought that was the end of this chapter - The man promised to start work within the next 3 days (on Thursday), and it Should last for 1 day only (I really thought that he will not return, and I wish that he just kept the money and didn't, but sadly he did)...

[ DAY 1 - Thursday ] True to his word, the man returned on Thursday, asking me for more money, to pay for the stuff. I said, I really don't know anything about you, and I'm sorry, but I can't pay you anything, until I see some more stuff or action.

The man then proceeded to remove the existing suite. I was downstairs, and I can hear the banging and the commotion, I did not mind, because by the end of today, I will have a brand new, shiny bathroom with no leaks. 30 Minutes later, the man comes downstairs saying that he has to go out and buy some more things... I said OK. And that was the last I saw of him for day 1 - he did ring me at 5:00PM, telling me that he will come back First Thing Tomorrow, to finish the job - I said OK.

[ DAY 2 - Friday ] The man returns a 4:30PM the next day (just to show his face), goes upstairs bangs a bit for 5 minutes, then he says, he will return Tomorrow, because it is getting a bit late - I said OK.

[ DAY 3 - Saturday ] The man brings 2 bathroom suites with him and few boxes. And asks me to pay some more money, I did... He says that he has to go and get some more things, he walk out and does not returns for 2 whole day - He did say that he lives in his van, and he does not mind working on a Sunday.

[ DAY 6 - Tuesday ] The man returns, he said that he tried to finish the job yesterday (Monday), but nobody answered the door (the lying bastard). He did a bit of work, took the old Bath tub and Sink out - told me that the bathroom has a little imperfection, so he has to take it back. So he leaves for the day..

[ DAY 7 - Wednesday ] The man returns with a new bathroom tub, and this time, it has different holes than the other, so he has to go an buy new Tap / Faucet set (and guess who is paying for this) - I said OK - and he leaves.

[ DAY 8 - Thursday ] The man returns with the new taps and starts on the job, does around an hour and a half, then tells me that he has to go and get some more stuff, then disappear once more...

It was getting beyond the joke, every day, the same story - things come, things go, people come, people go, boxes come, boxes go - I knew that and so did he, so on [ DAY 14 ] the new Bathroom Suite was unveiled.

For such a small Bathroom, it really did take a very long time to fix. So you might say that he must have done a very good job, by taking such a long time doing it. The truth is, where as, I had one leak before now I have Three - one at exactly the same place, one under the sink and the last one is under the bath.

Every item in the Bathroom is very different from every other item, some are square, some are round, and every item is made by a different manufacturer, and nothing fits anything.

The bath tub looks bigger, but in reality it is a lot smaller, it is also very slippy (I'm sure its Teflon coated or something - you start on one end, and end up on the other without even trying).  

There is a 2" gap between the wall and the bath tub, the man said he will fill that with Silicon Sealant, but I don't think there is enough sealant in China to fill this gap.

Existing tiling around the bath has been mashed and smashed, the man thinks that I will ask him to come back and do the tiling (for an extra charge - me don't think so)...
The units with draws were hacked to fit the pipes behind, so what goes in the draw, ends up somewhere else underneath.

The taps (faucet) seem to be loose when you turn these on or off - they rotate freely around a 360 degree axis. 

And finally, my toilet seat is made of  Paper Mache, in none other than the U.A.E - And I thought they only exported Camel Milk.... All in all, this was another SHIT job...

PS. I will be posting some photos soon...

Three into 1. So Not Cool....

Today, I went shopping at ASDA, I bought some Delicious Cookies, and some ready meals (they had an offer on these, buy so many for so much) - I got the Chicken in Black Bean Sauce, The Sweet & Sour Chicken and the Chicken Curry.

When I got back home, my son wanted to try the Black Bean one, while I wanted the Sweet & Sour... So we followed the instructions and pierced the containers (he did not notice the Chicken Curry box), and placed these in the Microwave Oven. And while we were doing that, he noticed the Curry one and said, he would rather have this one instead, so I suggested to cook all 3 and have a banquet, a little bit of this and a little bit of that (now how Cool is that, Life is Sweet)...

So we cooked the 3 and dished them out, according to my wife, the mixture looked like Diarrhea, what she did not know, is that it tasted like Diarrhea as well.

So the moral of the story is this. Mixing 3 revolting dishes will not make a good one. It will just make a dish. which not only look bad, but taste even worst than its individual constituents. And that is really, really, really isn't cool...

Don't speak... It's not worth it...

Have I ever mentioned that I absolutely love  Star Trek , all its derivatives and incarnations (but not the movies). How can I forget the Original Series with Captain Kirk (the only thing worth watching on Iraqi TV), and then, after many, many years in the wilderness, and after some real crappy and shocking movies, we had the Next Generation with Captain Picard (the man is so poised and in control at all times, and with a British accent, is there anything this man can't do)...

This was followed that by Deep Space 9 with Captain Sisko, Voyager with Captain Janeway, and last but not least, we had Enterprise with Captain Archer. Truth be told, I only watched these shows because there was no more Next Generation (I think they canceled the latter because of DATA's weight issues, this seemed to fluctuate from episode to episode)..

And with  Star Trek , you always have the same thing, they face some adversity, they overcome it, they save humanity and everybody is happy, that is, apart from the Talkies.

They have the main characters (the ones that talk, almost, every episode), doing their business with the extras, the ones that don't usually talk, going about their business in the background. The problem is always when they get one of these extras to talk (give them a bit of a role and a personality, something to connect them with the audience), then you know that they are going to kill them.. What a bummer, they give you a line and promise you the world, and two minutes later, you are dead...

So the moral of the story is, if they ask you to be a Talking,  Star Trek , extra, then you know that you are doomed.

Virgin Media - Broadband

This morning, I received a Broadband (only) bill from Virgin Media, a whole 4 month, after I cancelled the service.. Apparently, they have been charging me for Broadband for the whole period. Even though they have stopped the service, they did not cancel the contract..

I really was not happy, so I decided to ring them and try and sort that out... At first I was greeted by the automated selection menu, asking me to Press 1 for Bullshit, 2 for More Bullshit or 3 for an Even More Bullshit,  So I pressed 3, Followed by 2, followed by 4, and then I had to enter my telephone number, including the std code. So I did, and the automated voice asked me to do it again, because the number has not been recognised, so I did that two more times and the number is still not recognised (probably something to do with the fact that I have ported my existing number to Sky, from Virgin Media), so a message advised me to wait for an operator. Ok, I will wait, I just want this sorted ASAP (if I hang up now, I will only need to do the same once more, and there will be no guarantee that I would get a faster or a better service)..

So it Begins....
I got put on hold for, what seemed like an eternity, waiting for somebody, a human, to answer the phone, with the full Madonna and Britney Spears back catalogues blasting in my ears, and just when I was ready to hang up (and 3 songs later), someone does actually answer the phone.

Virgin Media Moron 1 - Hello, thank you for calling Virgin Media, how can I help you today.
Me - So I tell the woman my story, and ask her to refund the difference.

Virgin Media Moron 1 - Can I have your account number, your name, address and security Password.
Me - Mr, Where, Bolton, XXXXXX..

Virgin Media Moron 1 - Let me check your account first... A minute passed, Sorry Mr. X, you did not cancel the Broadband,  you only cancelled the phone service.
Me - I said, that is impossible. Why would I cancel one service and not the other, and why have you disconnected me, if I'm still paying for this, and I haven't cancelled that..

Virgin Media Moron 1 - Sorry you have to speak to somebody in disconnections, and they will sort it for you..
Me - Thank you...

So, once again, I got put on hold for, what seemed like an eternity, waiting for another human, to answer the phone, with the full Madonna and Britney Spears back catalogues blasting in my ears, and just when I was ready to hang up, once more (and 3 songs later), someone does actually answer the phone.

Virgin Media Moron 2 - Hello, thank you for calling Virgin Media, how can I help you today.
Me - I tell the 'new' woman my story once again, adding the bit about the fact that someone from her organisation has transferred me to her, so that she can sort out my problem.. I was in a really foul mood by then, having to do and say everything twice.

Virgin Media Moron 2 - Can I have your account number, your name, address and security Password.
Me - Mr, Where, Bolton, XXXXXX..

Virgin Media Moron 2 - Let me check your account first... A minute passed, Sorry Mr. X, It seems like Darren has forgot to cancel the broadband. Oh, and there is another call, a month later...
Me - I know, I phoned you then to make sure that you are going to cancel the service, and somebody did say that they will do just that (by Wednesday), and that the service was disconnected then, but I'm still paying for this 3 months later.....

Virgin Media Moron 2 - I  will have to put you on hold and check the details... (Madonna and Britney Spears play 2 more songs, while I'm waiting) - Sorry Mr. X. We owe you £68.00 in overpayment, I will just transfer you to the Accounts Department, so that they can arrange for a refund.  
Me - Thank you...

So, once again, I got put on hold for, what seemed like an eternity, waiting for another human, to answer the phone, with the full Madonna and Britney Spears back catalogues blasting in my ears, and just when I was ready to hang up, once more (and 3 songs later), someone does actually answer the phone, and this time, it's from the Virgin Media Call Center, somewhere in Down Town New Delhi, 

Virgin Media Moron 3 - Hello, thank you for calling Virgin Media, how can I help you today.
Me - I tell the 'new' woman my story once again, adding the bit about the fact that someone from her organisation has transferred me to her, so that she can sort out my problem and issue a refund.

Virgin Media Moron 3 - Can I have your account number, your name, address and security Password.
Me - Mr, Where, Bolton, XXXXXX..

Virgin Media Moron 3 - Lots of mumbling,  I really haven't a clue what the woman was saying. The accent was shit and so was the line quality.
Me - I really don't know what you are saying, the line quality is very bad.

Virgin Media Moron 3 - With some more incomprehensible BS, and a mention that they only owe me £2.63, and that a Cheque is on its way with the amount.
Me - I thought it was more, and even your colleague told me so.

Virgin Media Moron 3 - With some more incomprehensible BS, a story and an explanation that I really did not understand or care much for. (I really just wanted the woman to shut-up,  go away, before I start being sick from listening to all of that BS).
Me - Thank you.

So the moral of the story is, always take the BLUE Pill, and avoid dealing with those Bastards at any cost..

You take the blue pill and the story ends. You wake in your bed and believe whatever you want to believe. You take the red pill and you stay in Wonderland and I show you how deep the rabbit-hole goes..... Remember -- all I am offering is the truth, with a glass of water, nothing more.

Might as well face it I'm addicted to.....

I'm hooked on a game, The Deeplight Expedition. I've just tried that on, I usually go there when I'm bored or when I'm trying to waste some time or just avoid doing something.

It took me around three and a half hours to complete. I died around five hundred times, but the whole thing was very enjoyable.  Some screen shots below, enjoy..

And that's the end of that chapter...