I had a little problem a couple of days ago. My Boiler stopped working completely. There was no noise, no light, no heat, no fire, no brimstone, nothing...
I checked the Pilot Light, and that was out. This means that we might have had no Gas sometime during the night. I checked the Gas fire, that was working OK. I re-lit the Pilot Light. All seemed to be OK, I turned on the switch, nothing happened.
I checked and replaced the fuse, switched everything back on. There was a brief sign of life, when the Boiler started to purr, and then just as it started, it stopped, and then there was nothing... I replaced the fuse again, and tried the same procedure and as before, there was a momentary joy, followed by bitter disappointment..
I knew then that the Pump has had it, and that it was time to Call in the Cavalry.
Me, being a TV nerd and a avid watcher of DIY Safety programs. I knew about the importance of calling a Gas Safe Registered Engineer / Outfit.
I got my copy of the good book (the Yellow Pages), and let my fingers do the walking. I found a local, Gas Safe Registered engineer. I phoned him, he promised to call later on.that day to see what the problem is.
I stayed at home, waiting for the engineer. He did not call to apologise or anything, he just did not turn up. The next day. I called him again, he said he has a 2 minute job then I'm next in line. And again, I waited and waited and waited and waited... Still no sign of the man...
Today, and out of the blue, the man knocks on the door, shows me his Credentials, Credentials that I duly check online at the Gas Safe Register website, I see his photo (it's the same man, but with a 70's porno mustache, a bit like Magnum PI's).
He walks in, checks the boiler. Asks if I have any fuses to see what happens when I turn the boiler on.. I oblige and fit another fuse, and let him listen. That fuse quickly dies. the man asks me if I had another fuse, this time he will see what happens to the Pump when I turn the power on. More knocking and banging then the fuse dies. Then he asks me if I had another, and I do, honestly, we had to do that around 8 times before he would give up. Good job I had a big pack of Fuses that I just bought from ASDA. I think this should have given me a clue, that the man did not have a clue, but the Gas Safe Register said he was A OK, and that he knew what he was doing...
The man then tells me what's wrong and how much it's going to cost me.. I agree the price, no haggling, no hassle.. I just needed it doing....
The man starts by draining the full Central Heating System, and while this is happening, he leaves to get the new Pump Unit. 20 or so minutes pass, the man comes back clutching a box.. No doubt, the one with a new pump, and he proceeds to replace the existing...
"Huston, we have a problem".. Every pipe in my house seems to be connected to every other pipe, by Sellotape, it is all just like a very big Spaghetti Maze, the last set of Cowboy Plumbers did that but that's another story. The problem is that, when you turn the Hot Water On, everything else gets hot, including the Central Heating, Hot Water Taps, Cold Water Taps and even the water in the Cistern..
And when you turn the Central Heating On, everything else gets hot, including the Hot Water Taps, Cold Water Taps and the water in the Cistern.
And what this means, it is really, really, really messed up plumbing. So draining the system is not that simple. You have to turn off the the Stop Cock under the sink, so that no fresh water can enter the system. Turn on every tap (downstairs), in order to drain the system, then drain the rest through the Central Heating...
When I told the man, he insisted that he knew what he was doing, and that I was talking rubbish, because it is not allowed by Law to have everything so messed up, the Central Heating and the Hot Water circuits can not be mixed up, but he needn't worry, because I have all 3 Circuits Mixed Up.... He just smiles and laughs it off.
So now, it comes to the crunch. He takes the offending pump off, and guess who was right.. The full Ceiling is wet through, the plaster-boards are soaking and the weight of water is distorting them, he quickly puts the original pump back in its original place.. All my towels are used to stem the flow, I run downstairs and do my quick draining procedure. This does work, but only after the damage is done... Oh well, our kitchen Ceiling does need re-plastering, so its all for the better...
Now for attempt 2, the man removes the pump. installs the new unit, and while he is doing it, I ask, should he not use some Silicone Tape for the thread, in order to stop any leaking. He again shrugs my suggestion and assures me that this type of joint does not need it... I said OK, after all, he is the man with the Badge, and surely the Gas Safe Register, would not let any Tom, Dick or Harry be on their list, or would they, Mmmmm...
He fits everything, and asks me to turn the Mains Water back on. I do, and guess what, we have another flood. not as bad as the original, but nonetheless, still a flood. So he shouts me to turn it off quickly and re-drain the system. So I oblige...
Now for attempt 3, the man still not admitting defeat. He blames all on the using the old washers, instead of using the new supplied ones.. So he takes everything out again, puts the new washers in, still no silicone tape, and tightens everything back in place.. And asks me to turn everything back on.. I do, and we still have a leak. I turn all off and re-drain all...
Now for attempt 4, this time, the man does not cut corners, he uses the silicone tape as well, and all seems to be going well... He tells me to turn all on, I do, and everything seems to be a OK with regards to things being Watertight.. He bleeds the Central Heating System and the New Pump..
He said, he can't test the Pump yet, because it takes a couple of hours for the joints to set.. And I, like an idiot, believed him.. I thanked him and paid him what we agreed, plus a tip.. He gave me his card and said, if there is a problem. Just ring him...
3 Hours, 4 fuses and 5 calls later, my problem still remain unsolved. The man would not talk to me, or answer my calls. And I'm back to square one...
The next day, I managed to get hold of the man. He promised to call, and did not...
2 Days later, I managed to get hold of him again. He promised to call, and did not...
I really hate bastards.... I wish I never paid him a tip... However, the good news is this. If he does not sort it by tomorrow, I will be putting my free minutes to good use... I will ring him and ring him and ring him and ring him again, until he succumbs. And if that does not work, I will engage his business line continuously until I get the problem sorted... And regardless of the outcome, I will report his incompetence to the Toothless Bullshit Gas Safe Register...
And next time, I will be doing my own plumbing and Gas Appliance Maintenance - at least, what little I know, is a lot more than what my Cowboy plumbers and Gas Fitters seem to know...
2 Days have passed since the original job was completed. My Ceiling is nearly caved in and I have no hot water. And on those 2 days, I phone the Gas Safe Plumber in the morning asking him to come and finish the job, and as per usual, he keeps on promising me that he will call back and sort it in the afternoon, and as per usual, the afternoon comes and goes and he still does not call...
And finally, tonight after being ignored for so long, I phoned the man a few times and left a few choice words on his answer machine..
I said something to the effect that he has til tomorrow afternoon to resolve the problem and that if he fails to do so, that the Gloves Will Be Off for good, and he will regret that forever... And that I will ring him every 5 minutes during the day until the problem is resolved.
10 minutes later, the man rings me back to tell me how he is afraid for his safety and how his daughter has heard the message and she was so shaken and upset, that she is having nightmares now, and she just can't sleep. Most likely, she will need some therapy, and that he will ring the Police and inform them... I said, OK, you can ring who you want, I don't really care...
And true to his word, I get contacted by the Police an hour later, and get cautioned for using threatening language, I'm also advised to refrain from contacting him, OR ELSE????
So the gist of the story is. If you are a Bastard, then you will get away with it, otherwise, you are screwed.. And the Law is the BIGGEST ASS in the land.
Just watched the England V Germany game, and as per usual, I was not disappointed. England were an average team, playing an average game, I was a bit pissed off at the disallowed Goal, but sadly the fact still remains, that England are just not good enough, and that's why they are on the way back home and out of the World Cup..
The only positive thing that I could think of is, they didn't lose by more Goals, because that would have been very embarrassing...
My advise to the team, don't do your "Party Trick" in your penalty area, we know you are good (debatable), but defenders supposed to kick balls away from the danger zone, and not just stand there honing their nonexistent skills.
I can't believe its been a year, already, since MJ passed away. People are still arguing about who killed him, and many are writing books, selling stories, and giving TV interviews all on the back of his death.
The MJ estate is in the Black to the tune of $1,000,000,000.00 (yes, 1 billion dollars), so in effect, the man is richer in his death than he was when he was alive. And where there is money, parasites and free loaders will follow, including his family...
PS. I just watched 2 sad fans of MJ camping outside to commemorate the occasion. What do I think, Mmm... "Get a bloody grip you sad bastard, have you nothing better to do with your miserable little lives, get out, live, and stop living other people's fantasies. You don't really matter, nobody cares about you, you are nothing and you will remain nothing, so get over it. And now that you've had your 2 minutes of fame, just Piss Off back under whatever stone you crawled from under.."...
Agree 100% with everything said - There is always an excuse when it comes to England. As an incentive and to keep Footballers on their toes, might I suggest a return to the original Aztec Rules Football (they used to kill the loser team, after each match), however, I wouldn't go that far, I just say Sack the whole team (loser teams only) at the end of the season and start with a clean sheet.. Now that will put some fear into the players hearts, their Bank Accounts and Balance Sheets, because sure as hell they don't really care about the game, the fans, or the country.
This is just a test post, an experiment, it does nothing - so please ignore, unless you really want to buy bb guns. The idea is to see how quickly you can move a site up the Google Ranks, without paying... So here it goes.
For Cheap BB Guns - Visit http://www.cheaperbbguns.co.uk/BB Bullets, BB Pellets, Airsoft Stuff, Electric Airsoft, Goggles & Masks, Orange BB Guns, BB Gun Pistols, BB Rifles, BB Shotguns, BB Ammunition, BB Targets, Toy Airsoft... This company has nothing to do with me, however, I do believe that they sell some good shit;), or just shit..... And don't forget that there are others who sell the same stuff....
Emile Heskey, why? The man seems to "KILL EVERY GAME" that he plays in, regardless. He just looks so tired all the time, he slows the flow of the game, he seems to sap the energy of all around him..
In his defense, he does produce some OK'ish football every now and then, but the problem is, it's very occasional and.very inconsistent. Somebody even said, "I can't believe Heskey is playing in another team, he's either sleeping with the Manager or Blackmailing him".
I'm watching The Chile V Switzerland match, the Referee seems to be very Card Happy. He dispenses Yellowand Red cards left right and center. It's bad enough having the Swiss playing, but add to that the Ref and you really kill the game... It's clearly a case of "BAD REFEREEING".
I can't help thinking, Should the Players or somebody from FIFA be able to give bad Referees the RED CARD during a game...
I just watched the Cameron V Denmark match, this was absolutely the best game I have watched for years and years and years. Now I know why I used to love watching Football, this was an end to end attacking game by both sides, with no holds barred. Best game of the World Cup thus far.. At the end, I didn't care who won or lost.. Loved every second, an absolute classic..
This has come some way to restore my faith in football, especially after the England game debacle..
Tonight, I watched the England game (vs Algeria). And sadly, and as per usual, I felt even more embarrassed for the England team than the England team themselves.
The whole episode just felt like being at the dentist for 2 hours, having your teeth pulled out, one by one. The Team, was not, the movement, was clunky, the passing, was abysmal, the heart was missing from the performance, and the whole episode was so very, very embarrassing, especially when you consider the opponents.
I still don't know the reason for the bad form, and whether it was the facial, the pedicure, the manicure, or just the balls, or lack of..
As long as we have those overpaid, talentless, egos, England will never win the World Cup, ever again....
Few years ago, I got some Presents from my kids. Some "Designer" Aftershaves. These were, absolutely, the foulest smelling things ever made by man, machine or beast. So much so, that I gave these the infamous titles, Death Pestilence and Famine. However, we all know that there is a fourth Horseman, War... So, ever since, I have been searching for that elusive fragrance, with some near misses, like the "Peter Andre' Insania", however, they just weren't bad enough, that is, til yesterday.
Yesterday, I went out shopping, by order of the management (my wife), and we saw this "Gok Wan" Woman's "Treat Yourself Girlfriend" Perfume. My wife being a "Fan of Wan", decided to try the tester bottle, on my hand...
The only way I can describe the smell is, its like somebody hasn't had a wash for 2 months, eating Sweaty, Smelly Fish. I really felt dirty and violated after having this smell sprayed on my hand. So now officially, we have the Fourth Fragrance, "War".
And if you really want to know which is the worst, I have to say its a 50/50 decision, between Quorum and Diesel.... Because they are not only bad, but they are also long lasting.
PS. I don't think Gok Wan tried to make it smell sooooooo bad on purpose. But when he was smelling the samples, he was eating a Fish Curry with noodles and Prawn Crackers, and he happen to drop some in the mix, hence the smell...
PPS. My son was messing about with his girlfriend a few months back, she sprayed some perfume out of her handbag on him, he asked her not to, but she did it again and told him that he "Smells Like a Girl". He went to the bathroom and brought out the Big Guns, namely "Quorum". And with one spray, the poor girl was heaving and being sick, and she could not get rid of the smell for 3 days.... Its like Skunk Smell, but stronger..
Apparently, workers at the Foxconn factory where the Apple iPad is manufactured are super depressed, and they are killing themselves, left, right and center. The fact that they sleep in squalid, cramped conditions, work 12 hour shifts, and get paid £2.90 a day, has nothing to do with it.
So the management decided to hire monks to exorcise evil spirits. Now that's gonna work...
This is an old story, that I decided to share with you; It happened in the year of our lord 1998-1999; when Windows 98 was first introduced to an unsuspecting public.
During that period, I used to work at the IT department of a small company. dealing with hardware and software support. The Big Boss; bought the Microsoft BS and decided to upgrade the whole operation to the all new, shiny, better, OS (Windows 98). We did try that on a machine for few months, and we were very impressed.
[DAY 1] To minimise the hassle, we decided to update the machines during the Christmas Break.
We were upgrading 12 machines from Windows 95. Prepared for the worst; we did an iOmega ZIP backup of all machines; and followed the instructions to the letter.
Sadly, we still ended up with 10 non functioning machines; we lost all the data; and in-spite of all our efforts we just couldn't restore things back to normal. So after hours and hours of trying; we just gave up on the upgrade idea and just decided to reinstall windows 98 from scratch.
And even the two machines that did upgrade, developed some peculiarly weird and wonderful interface issues..
The first machine had an infinite loop folder problem. When you open a folder, the only thing you see inside is an exact copy of the same folder, and when you open this, the same happens. So you end up with the same folder, within the same folder, within the same folder, within the same folder, Ad infinitum....
As for the second machine, the language was ascii, but not as we know it, it was not English, it was not Hungarian, it was not Spanish, it was not anything - It looked like everything within the OS had been, randomly, bit shifted somehow, so if you type "AAAAAA" you would get something like "LB>AW#"...
So we scrapped these and decided to reinstall Windows 98 from scratch, on all 12 machines.
[DAY 2] Bushy tailed and bright eyed, we started the day early. And started to install the machines, you must remember that the machines during that period were fairly slow, compared to todays effort. So each machine took around 2 hours to set up, and then there was the matter of trying to find drivers for these machines and existing hardware (printers, scanners, and even the iOmega Zip drive, modems, network cards).
We nearly did all the machines and were fairly pleased. We thought that Day 3 would do it, a quick mop up and restore of important bits of data, and set up of few minor drivers.
[DAY 3] We get there, all empowered by the events and successes of the previous day. We start downloading drivers, with our state of the art, brand spanking new, 36.6K modem; unbeknown to us, and because of the way networking was implemented on Windows 98, we managed to infect the entire Network with possibly one of the earliest viruses known to man. What a bastard...
[DAY 4] Remove all Machines from the network, re-install each machine independently,download the drivers for each, do not connect to the network till the last minute, and then reinfect the entire network again..
[DAY 5] Same as day 4, but this time we got an infectious BSOD on first boot, and when we connect the network, it seemed to travel across all the nodes and machines...
[DAY 6] Everybody was feeling fairly shit; the Big Boss decided to complain to Microsoft. He said "Get me their Telephone number, I'm gonna tell them what I really think". In those days, the internet was not like now; the search was very limited, and not many websites were about.
So the Big Boss grabs the phone and rings Directory Enquiries, the conversation goes like that:
[Man on Line] Directory Enquiries, how may I help you.
[Big Boss] I'm looking for the number for Microsoft.
[Man on Line] Which Town.
[Big Boss] I don't know, try London (and he turns to us, saying "Everybody is in Bloody London").
[Man on Line] This is your number Sir, XXXX XXXX XXXX - Have a nice day, or something to that effect.
[Big Boss] Thank you.
Big Boss, fuming, dials the number and await an answer.60 or so seconds pass..
[Man on Line] Hi John,
[Big Boss] Its not John, I'm a customer..
[Man on Line] Sorry about that, the firm is Closed for the Holidays, can you ring us back in the New Year.
[Big Boss] THE NEW F###ING YEAR, I GIVE YOU A BLOODY NEW YEAR.
[Man on Line] I was just collecting some things from the office. I don't even deal with customers, I'm sure somebody would help you if you could ring back after.....
[Big Boss] YOU TRY AND TELL ME THAT, ONE OF THE BIGGEST COMPANIES IN THE WORLD, CAN'T LOOK AFTER ITS CUSTOMERS. AFTER ALL THE MONEY THAT I'VE SPENT WITH YOU, I STILL CAN'T GET ANY SUPPORT WHEN I NEED IT. THIS IS NO WAY TO TREAT YOUR CUSTOMERS OR TO RUN A BUSINESS - I'M GOING TO CONTACT THE MEDIA, NEWSPAPERS, TV, I'M REALLY, REALLY NOT HAPPY ABOUT THE WHOLE SITUATION AND DEFINITELY NOT HAPPY WITH THE CUSTOMER SERVICE.....BLAH, BLAH, BLAH...
The Big Boss went on and on and on, rambling, at the hapless man, for what seemed like an eternity, but it was more like 30 minutes. The poor man could not get a word in. And the Big Boss demanding to speak to his supervisor, if not then the manager or even Bill Gates, he threatened to go to their house if necessary, to sort out this mess. And demanded the number for the American HQ.
[Man on Line] There is no American HQ, this is it - we are just a small outfit with one outlet.
[Big Boss] No American HQ, but, but, but, you are Microsoft?
[Man on Line] No, we are Microshit of Wimbledon - (I changed the name to protect the innocent, I bet they regretted the day they picked a name so similar to Microsoft).
[Big Boss] (Penny Dropping Slowly), Sorry about that mate, I thought you were working for Microsoft. We've just had all our system trashed by that F###ING NEW OPERATING SYSTEM - What a lot of Crap.
Myself, I was rolling out with laughter on the office floor, and thinking, what a poor man.
A few days later, we managed to trace the problem to a scanner that was attached to one of the machines during installation. This might sound easy nowadays, however, then, we had to take every ISA & PCI card, out of every machine, and add these cards one at a time, till we got to the offending part.. We had cards for everything, Modems, Network, Ide, I/O, VGA, you name it, we had it... What a pain in the butt. And till this day, when I see my old Boss, I can't help mentioning this story...
I decided to watch BBC breakfast today, after a very long break, and to see whether things have changed.
As per usual, I was not disappointed, there were even more spongers than usual selling their wares. It all depends on the economic climate, the worst the economic situation, the more spongers we are likely to get bombarded with.
I never mentioned what I do for a living and I never gone into it in any great detail, but for this story, I have to expand on that a little bit. I develop and sell Point of Sale Applications to the Fast-Food and Hospitality Industry, In English, I write delivery software for Pizza and Kebab shops... And I hate all my customers..
Today was one of those days. I got a new customer that I needed to visit, but before that I needed to get some Touchscreen Monitors & a Thermal Printer for them...
I ordered the printers in advance, so I just needed the monitors. For these, I had a deal with a local Computer shop, one which is part of a small chain of local independent computer shops, all licensed to use the same name, but selling their own stuff as well as the stuff supplied by the chain. My contact, was the owner of the branch... I usually go there, pay my money and get these Cheap Chinese Touchscreens...
So I had my trip for the day all planned in advance. Wake up, type the menu for the shop while waiting for the printers to arrive, go to the Bank, get cash, go to the Computer Shop, buy the monitors, go to the client's shop, set up the POS/EPOS system, get the money and run... Today should have been no exception but sadly, things rarely go according to plan.
6:30am a Customer rings me from a Cafe (preparing for the breakfast rush), saying that their printer had stopped working and they don't know why. This was their forth printer in as many months and they are unable to open the till (because its connected to the printer, and if the printer is not working then the till will not work)..
I usually tell my customers that they can ring me anytime between 10:00am and 10:00pm, 7 days a week, but they are so stupid, they insist on ringing me outside these hours... To counter that, I used to turn off my mobile phone or put it in silent mode outside business hours, however, the problem with me is, forgetfulness, so much so, that my wife calls me a Goldfish because I usually forget things within seconds, so I never used to turn my mobile back on for days, just thinking that all the vibrating in my pocket is me getting excited at watching TV or whatever.
Sadly, customers still managed to get through by ringing my land line telephone number instead, which happens to be my house number... So after giving up on ringing the mobile at 3:00am, they ring my home, and wake everybody up, to ask me something stupid that has absolutely nothing to do with me or my software. Why has their internet connection suddenly stopped, why is their pirated copy of Nero not copying their illegally downloaded movies, why did they get a virus, why do these Porno sites keep popping up when they have been so pious, or whatever... I really don't care and I really couldn't give a shit about all this, but I just had to smile, keep quite, grit my teeth and pretend to care...
The worst thing is, the Sad Bastards, thought I really did care, so they just started to ring me when they are bored or lonely, and just want to chat about life and shit... And the only thing I could think of, is, why don't you just F#%$ OFF, get a girlfriend, get a life and just leave me in bloody peace, you D$%@ Headed moron; or something to that effect.
I'm sure that sometime they even have these slumber parties, when they tag team me; so when one finishes, the other begins... It's like hell, but without the fire and brimstone...
The thing is, I really do mind when they ring me outside these hours, I don't go to bed until 4:00am in the morning, and I wake up around 8:00am every day, usually very grumpy and tired because of lack of sleep, I don't really wake up properly until 10:00am.
So during that time, between 8:00am and 10:00am, I usually just type menus for customers, its a mundane task that does not require a great deal of concentration, mental abilities, or thinking, I follow that by 12 hours, of what I can only describe as a "SLUGFEST"; of mental torment and torture, dealing with stupid customer requests, problems, traveling, sales, drumming up new business, demos, payment chasing, etc.. And most days, I stay out at least til 1:00am and 2:00am, doing just that (I even stayed out til 5:00am and 7:00am on few occasions), coming back home, smelling of Pizza and Kebab (I really hate that smell).
After that, between 10:00pm and 4:00am, usually and officially, I use this time for Software development, testing and debugging, because this is the time when I'm most alert.during my working day.
You might wonder on how do I manage to cram so much TV into my working day, the answer is simple. I just leave the TV set on, 24/7, in the background, so if something important does happen, I just watch or listen..
Back to the story; I answer the phone; and promise to visit the Cafe later on that day, to sort out the printer - I thought, it does not really matter, because I can visit them on the way back from my original destination. The plan was still good and in motion...
The problem is this, if I wake up prematurely; I could never go back to sleep, and I'm even more grumpier that usual, and for the rest of my working day... So I decide to start the day earlier than anticipated; and good job I did; I hate typing menus at the best of times; but this menu is something really special. The shop has over 120 types of pizzas, over 90 different toppings; including Peaches; Strawberries and Cream and not forgetting Artichoke and Broccoli, you know; all the classics that nobody would ever order, know or care about; but sadly it still needs to be on the menu, just in case, God forbid, should some mentally disturbed customer decide to order one of these exotic delights..
So I sit typing; and typing, and typing, and hating every second of it, while waiting for the printer delivery. Menus usually take between 1-2 hours to complete, but not this one - Six hours later, I was still there. Finally; and around 1.00pm - I got the printers; at that time I was around 80% through the menu, so I decided enough was enough; and I just needed to get out and on with the plan; finishing the menu when I get to the shop, that way I can show the customer how to change prices and how to use the software. The plan was back in motion.
So I go to the Bank, try and get some money out. But the bank Teller could not and would not help, or let me withdraw anything from my account, (even though they know me by name, and I even deposited some money there a day earlier). Because the amount is higher than what the, hole in the wall, machine would give and my security question "the date of birth" is somewhat all screwed (look here, here and here)... So I just had to stand in the bank like an idiot, arguing my case and generally making a seen, and what I really hate is this. If you try and be civilised and calm, you will not get anywhere. But if you act like a loud mouth "Jackass", they get the manager out and to avoid any further embarrassment; they succumb... So why not just listen; be reasonable, don't make me lose my temper and just give me a break.
All I will say on this occasion is this; my bank seems to be run by a bunch of bastards who do not believe I am who I say I am. They will take the money I deposit with no questions asked, but when it comes to withdrawals, all hell breaks loose. I hate it all; but I'm just too old, lazy and busy to change everything and move to pastures new.. So I just have to grin and bear it...
I take the money; drive to the computer shop. Sadly, the owner was on holiday for the week, and the person standing in, didn't even have a clue what their name was, never mind where the touchscreen monitors were? or how much?. what a bomber.. I thank them and walk back to the car. I parked this behind the Computer Shop, in an ally, because, as with all UK Towns and Cities, there aren't enough parking spaces near Town / City Centres.
And as per usual, I was greeted with the sight of a Yellow envelope, neatly placed under the windscreen wiper's blade. A Fine, for parking on a single Yellow line "Prescribed Non Parking Zone", for less than 3 minutes. This was for £35.00 (if paid within 14 days, otherwise £70.00). I go back home fuming and get a different, more expensive, monitor from my stock.
What really pissed me off is this, how can they be so fast, do they just lay in waiting, hide until somebody parks or, could the Council be using their CCTV cameras to redirect those Traffic Wardens, to any illegally parked vehicles, in order to Maximise Profit... I know there is no justification for parking illegally, however, It was a back street, it was empty, no traffic passes through it, I was parked wholly on the pavement, behind some scaffolding, so I was not obstructing any soul from going about their business. And finally, how come they are not so efficient when it comes to Fighting and Solving Crime.
I'm already 3 hours behind schedule, and £35.00 out of pocket, but the plan was still good.
I enter the customers address in the Sat-Nav, and drive. Today is one of the hottest days of the year; my car lacks any means of keeping me cool. its just cold in Winter and hot in Summer, and by hot, I mean really hot in Summer, hotter than the temperature outside, and when you turn the fan on; you just get hot air blown on to your face, direct from the engine. And since the last haphazard repair to the car windows by my good self; I managed to glue these shut forever, so there is no chance of opening the car windows ever again (see here, here, here and here)...
So I just listen to the Radio (these days the Radio is stuck on Radio 4), drive and hope for the best - The whole experience feels like being at a Sauna; The interior smells like a pair of rotten, sweaty, shoes with dead feet still attached; from the sweat, blood and tears, as well as the bits of food that I've dropped inside the car; on my travels... How can I describe it, if you think of the worst smell you can imagine, then multiply that by 24, well, this one is worst; you get the idea..
I drive and drive and drive and then, I wait and wait and wait and wait, stuck on the motorway on the way to Sheffield. A bottleneck, just outside Glossop. Finally, and 5 hours late.
I really hate shops that are located in Town Centres. There is no parking, so you end up parking in a back ally somewhere, hoping that nobody [A] Breaks into the car, [B] Gives you a parking ticket. And you still have to drag all the equipment to the shop.However, I was lucky this time, I parked in a proper Parking Space, Paid My Parking Fee, £2.00 for 2 hours (10 minutes to setup system, 20 minutes how to use the software, 20 minutes of Q & A, 10 Minutes of joking and relaxing and 1 hour to spare)..
So I park and walk to the shop, the weird thing is, they are next door to another customer of mine, who sees me and waves through the window. I go over, chat a little, apologise and promise to go back after I finish.
I walk next door, sort, setup, connect and install everything. Show the customer how to use the software. Ooops, I forgot to plan typing in the rest of the menu, hopefully this will only take 20 extra minutes at most, I'm still good. I ask them if they have any questions. I hate to say that, but sometime you just know when a Business is going to fail, regardless of the effort one puts into it.
The people at that outlet could not speak English at all, I'm not being funny or anything, English is not my first language, so I can't criticise anybody, but at least I try (when in Rome..), and they thought by having a computer, all their problems would be solved and they can overcome the language barrier - Surfing the internet, and finding porn, does not mean that you can use a computer.
You knew there was a problem when a customer walks in, asking for 2 Donner Kebabs, one with salad and mild sauce, and the other plain, with hot sauce. And it takes 2 people around 20 minutes to sort out the order. You can feel and see the frustration and tension on both, the customer (by now ex.) and the person serving.
So I try my best, repeating everything 20 times, and showing them how easy it is to take orders over the phone. And end up staying there for another 5 hours, answering the phone and taking orders on their behalf.
Things like that do happen to me on occasions. Usually, this is a sign that soon, I will be selling another system to the same outlet. They lose the customers, they sell the business, taking the EPOS system with them and guess what, because I leave many leaflets and Business cards, purposely , at the place, the new owners would ring me asking for a new system... - Even when things are bad, there is always a light at the end of the tunnel...
I take the money, a Cheque on this occasion, and exit (run).
I walk in next door to say my goodbyes. I get Greeted by the man's mother, she was there on a visit from Iran or wherever. Apparently the woman can read body auras, and she could see things in mine and as soon as I walked in. She told me that I deal with lots of money all the time, and that there is money around me, but what she didn't see was that the money belonged to my good mates and boddies, "Visa", "Mastercard", "American Express" and "Lloyds TSB".
I pretended to be amazed, and begged her not to reveal any more of my deepest, darkest secrets, knowing fully well that it might just be that her son told her about how expensive I was, or somebody noticed the number of boxes I was taking next door, or she might just be genuinely a psychic, or then, she might not be..
Regardless, I was impressed, because I had all the money that I withdrew from the Bank, earlier today, and a Fat Cheque from next door, for the new system..
Sometime, I think people should quit while they are ahead. Too late, the woman started on health and happiness (see here, here, here and here), and told me about how healthy I'm, she obviously didn't talk to my Doctor and did not check my super high Blood Pressure. I just smiled, nodded my head and agreed with everything, telling her how uncanny her predictions were.
I finished there, thanked them and left. By then it was getting late and guess what, I had another "Parking Ticket stuck to the Windscreen, this time for £50.00" for overstaying my welcome (she didn't see that one coming, did she), oh well, C'est la vie.
Finally, I was on my way to the Caribbean Cafe to try and sort out the Problematic Printer. luckily, I still managed to get there in the nick of time, 5 minutes before shut down. I was absolutely starving, so I decided to order a Portion of Curried Goat, Rice & Peas, a Side Salad and a Large Pepsi... I paid for the stuff, I hate getting things free from customers, its their Business and Livelihood, I don't give discounts and I don't expect any in return... I took the stuff to the car and went back in to look at the Printer...
As I mentioned before, that outlet seems to go through printers at the rate of one per month. The first one met its demise at the bottom of a Jerk Stew Pot. I still do not know how, but it did happen, and when it did, the owner said, well the printer is still under Guarantee, isn't it?. The second printer met its demise, a few weeks later, when the owner phoned me and told me that the new printer has stopped working, again, they do not know why. Upon inspection of the printer, I noticed that it was in about 5 different pieces, apparently, it just exploded into pieces while printing, and having bits of the printer on the floor, under the counter was not a clue. And once again, we have the owner saying that the printer is under guarantee. The third printer was grilled, and the forth dipped in BBQ sauce with all the rollers and gears sticking / seizing solid overnight.
This time, and once again the bloody printer has seized solid. The paper can not advance, and every error light is flashing. I just couldn't do anything there, so I just collected the printer to try and see what I can do with it.. These printers are usually very reliable, with a 3 year warranty, but even the solid warranty can't handle this lethal Jerk cocktail. So I bid them farewell and left (no ticket this time, thank you God).
I got back home, I ate my Curried Goat, Rice, Peas, and Side Salad. This did taste a bit funky. And a few hours later, I was paying for it once more, sitting on the toilet with terrible stomach pains, gripes and diarrhea, whilst projectile vomiting into the bath tub. Now that's what I call result...
Now, the only thing I need to make the day perfect is for the Cheque to bounce...
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