Virtues of BIG HANDS.

Lately, my business hasn't been doing very well so, and after 12 long years and out of desperation, I decided to start working for another company (doing the same shit, dealing with the same bastards, just within a different organisation).

Part of this company's future plans is a move into security hardware & software, and so they started a conglomerate of 6 Iranians, who invested some £40,000+ into "TOP-SECRET" hardware and software development project - and for that, they were given 1 biometric scanning machine, as sold on eBay for £169.00 & a hand scanner, as sold on eBay for £800.00 (the snake oil salesman saw them coming), and at least with eBay; you get programming and technical support by Clever Chinese guys who know what they are doing , and they also, thanks to the power of negative feedback, supply you with the correct power adaptor.

Alas, and on this occasion, we have set-up, programming and technical support by the Iranian Programming Mafia, who don't seem to have a clue, even after months and months of trying, and trying, and trying, with everybody bringing about their own brand of expertise to the table, and nobody getting nowhere fast.

And so we have a "TOP-SECRET" cracked team of hardware / software developers & integrators who seem to know nothing about anything, with the head honcho announcing his successes in percentage terms, but more often failures, to all at the office (a bit like LOUD HOWARD) - Starting from 90% three weeks ago;  and ending with 60% yesterday.  And every task, regardless of how simple or mundane, becomes a chore - with nobody admitting failure on their part.

So they fitted the hand scanner on the wall, and they did not know how to use, program, wire  or connect that to a PC or other peripherals - so we have it controlling access to the doors, but not actually unlocking those doors.  So when the system is operational, the doors remain locked, regardless of who logs on or off , with no means of opening those from the inside or outside, without reverting to physical violence (or turning off the mains power supplying the said security system). 

We have 5 other people working in the office and yet, only one person had their hands scanned & that was through sheer luck and a random fluke, which they have been trying to replicate for the past 3 days.

Our "expert" security system engineer hasn't a clue, and spends most of the day hitting on the very FIT, and yes I would, office manageress; and using the system as an excuse to touchy feely her hands, and whatever else (making the poor girl very uncomfortable), in the pretence that he is registering her with the system; and when he fails; as he frequently does every day, he blames that on her having small, beautiful, hands... Thank GOD for BIG Hands.

Every 10 minutes, the man calls out and asks somebody in the office if they have an idea on how to wire things up or how to fit a random power supply to the system, where there is just a random bundle of loose wires, and no outlet for the said power supply (like trying to fit a Square Peg in a Round hole), and if somebody dares to ask the idiot what he is doing, he tells them off for not having a "TOP-SECRET" clearance. And when he is not doing this, he starts asking us on whether we are registered on the system or not, but seeing that he is the only person who ever had access to that super "TOP-SECRET" project, then the usual answer, is no we are not registered with system and no, we do not know the password to your PC...

Achievements Thus Far (after 3+ months):

 2 People registered with the Hand Scanner.

The Hand Scanner still does not control the doors.

The Hand Scanner is not connected to the PC.