Hello... I'm Chris and I'm here to fix your plumbing.....

While outside ASDA, I saw a sign - Bathroom Suites fitted for cheap with a mobile phone number - (I've been having problems with my Bathroom for a good while now, something to do with water leakage from the toilet / cistern connection joint, and regardless of how many Plumbers I have used, the problem just persisted, and nobody seemed to be able to fix it (it might be something to do with the fact that all Plumbers are lying, cheating bastards, with a usual bad workmanship associated with people who have too much money and really can't be arsed looking after their customers)). And to cut a long story short, I decided just to have the full Bathroom Suite replaced, and that way, there are no excuses and no technical Plumber bullshit.

So I phoned the man, and arranged a visit for a quote (the sign, was a sign from above, and must be obeyed).

You know, sometimes you should just follow your gut feeling and instinct (and as usual, I didn't). All the signs were there, the man does not answer his mobile phone, and will only ring you back if you leave a message on his answer phone, he has no address, no company, no pretend website, no land-line phone number, no references, no brochures, no catalogs, no photos, no samples, no tape measure, he lives in a van, looks like Phil Mitchel from Eastenders, and has a regular slot on Rogue Traders TV program ...

The man gives me a quote for a basic Bathroom suite, I did not want that, because my wife has had her heart set on a Square one,  So I told the man and said, that we do want some cupboards and draws for storage as well.

The man said, I will bring you some photos and brochures of  available suites. I said OK. And true to his word, he came the next day with a Brochure that he had just picked up from B&Q. I selected one suite, paid him a deposit and thought that was the end of this chapter - The man promised to start work within the next 3 days (on Thursday), and it Should last for 1 day only (I really thought that he will not return, and I wish that he just kept the money and didn't, but sadly he did)...

[ DAY 1 - Thursday ] True to his word, the man returned on Thursday, asking me for more money, to pay for the stuff. I said, I really don't know anything about you, and I'm sorry, but I can't pay you anything, until I see some more stuff or action.

The man then proceeded to remove the existing suite. I was downstairs, and I can hear the banging and the commotion, I did not mind, because by the end of today, I will have a brand new, shiny bathroom with no leaks. 30 Minutes later, the man comes downstairs saying that he has to go out and buy some more things... I said OK. And that was the last I saw of him for day 1 - he did ring me at 5:00PM, telling me that he will come back First Thing Tomorrow, to finish the job - I said OK.

[ DAY 2 - Friday ] The man returns a 4:30PM the next day (just to show his face), goes upstairs bangs a bit for 5 minutes, then he says, he will return Tomorrow, because it is getting a bit late - I said OK.

[ DAY 3 - Saturday ] The man brings 2 bathroom suites with him and few boxes. And asks me to pay some more money, I did... He says that he has to go and get some more things, he walk out and does not returns for 2 whole day - He did say that he lives in his van, and he does not mind working on a Sunday.

[ DAY 6 - Tuesday ] The man returns, he said that he tried to finish the job yesterday (Monday), but nobody answered the door (the lying bastard). He did a bit of work, took the old Bath tub and Sink out - told me that the bathroom has a little imperfection, so he has to take it back. So he leaves for the day..

[ DAY 7 - Wednesday ] The man returns with a new bathroom tub, and this time, it has different holes than the other, so he has to go an buy new Tap / Faucet set (and guess who is paying for this) - I said OK - and he leaves.

[ DAY 8 - Thursday ] The man returns with the new taps and starts on the job, does around an hour and a half, then tells me that he has to go and get some more stuff, then disappear once more...

It was getting beyond the joke, every day, the same story - things come, things go, people come, people go, boxes come, boxes go - I knew that and so did he, so on [ DAY 14 ] the new Bathroom Suite was unveiled.

For such a small Bathroom, it really did take a very long time to fix. So you might say that he must have done a very good job, by taking such a long time doing it. The truth is, where as, I had one leak before now I have Three - one at exactly the same place, one under the sink and the last one is under the bath.

Every item in the Bathroom is very different from every other item, some are square, some are round, and every item is made by a different manufacturer, and nothing fits anything.

The bath tub looks bigger, but in reality it is a lot smaller, it is also very slippy (I'm sure its Teflon coated or something - you start on one end, and end up on the other without even trying).  

There is a 2" gap between the wall and the bath tub, the man said he will fill that with Silicon Sealant, but I don't think there is enough sealant in China to fill this gap.

Existing tiling around the bath has been mashed and smashed, the man thinks that I will ask him to come back and do the tiling (for an extra charge - me don't think so)...
 
The units with draws were hacked to fit the pipes behind, so what goes in the draw, ends up somewhere else underneath.

The taps (faucet) seem to be loose when you turn these on or off - they rotate freely around a 360 degree axis. 

And finally, my toilet seat is made of  Paper Mache, in none other than the U.A.E - And I thought they only exported Camel Milk.... All in all, this was another SHIT job...

PS. I will be posting some photos soon...